Monthly Archives: March 2012

Friday Links

It’s a geeky Friday, people. If any of you mainstream types are reading this blog (though that’s hard to imagine), this may not be your day.

First up, this is the coolest website I’ve found in quite a while: TED.com, a collection of fascinating video lectures on a vast array of topics. I’ve watched 3D printers build human organs and mini-copter robots flying in eerie formation. The best one I’ve seen so far is this neuroscientist’s detailed account of her own stroke and the transcendent, Zen-like awe that comes from losing your sense of self.

I’ve also started listening to The Writer’s Almanac online. It’s a daily five-minute NPR segment, but the radio version plays during the work day, so I don’t get to hear it while I’m driving. Let Garrison Keillor’s soothing voice inform you about the history of the writing world, then read you a poem. It’s like after-dinner mints for your brain.

For the Trekkies: here’s Brent Spiner, the actor who played Data, doing a dead-on impersonation of Patrick Stewart (Picard). Epic.

For Zelda fans (Zeldies?): possibly the most intense marimba-based rendition of the Zelda theme song you’ll ever hear. I know, right?

That’s all for this week. A big storm’s rumbling outside, and it’s Friday. How could you ask for anything better?

Have a phenomenal weekend.

On Terror

A few months ago, I wrote about my needle phobia. The first time I ever had blood drawn, the psychological reaction was so intense that my eyesight literally blacked out for a few minutes. For no good reason at all, needles terrify me.

At 7:30 tonight, for the first time in my life, I will be getting an IV.

The procedure itself is nothing to worry about. It’s not even surgery or anything like that. Just a test they need to perform.

But the needle. In my arm. For how long? Three minutes? Five? Ten?

Yesterday I was feeling pretty zen about all this. After all, I’ve come a long way since that first blackout. I’ve had blood drawn several more times with only minor reactions. And I’ve been desensitizing myself to needles, trying to beat the phobia. I’ve had a screensaver running on my PC with photos of people getting injections, giving blood. The pictures don’t even bother me anymore.

I was planning to work my way up to watching videos, but never got around to it. Still, I should be fine, right? Zen, man.

Last night I had a vivid dream that a doctor gave me two injections. I could feel the needle going in both times. That alone was almost unbearable. In the dream, I decided that if injections were this bad, there was no way I could get an IV. I would cancel the procedure.

Then I woke up.

Sitting in the bathroom at 5:30 this morning, over the course of about five minutes, I talked myself back into doing it again.

As I write this, I am physically sick. I have a lump in my throat. I literally feel a cold spot on my arm at the place I imagine they will put the needle.

But for all that, I still have a lot of things going for me.

  • I’ve made up my mind. Resolution is hard, but indecision is agony. Knowing that I won’t back out gives me purpose and strength.
  • I’ve beaten terror before. I’ve been skydiving, which I chose to do solely because it was the scariest thing I had ever done. This is not my first rodeo.
  • I have a plan. Explain my situation to the nurse, don’t look at the needle, deep breaths, hum Canon in D, keep it zen. Plans are a good thing.
  • I’m Brian fucking Buckley. I have a black belt in karate. I’ve written three novels. I’ve jumped out of a plane. I got a 35 on my ACT. I’ve been to the National Spelling Bee twice, and I don’t give a damn how ridiculous that sounds. Fuck needles. I’m doing this.

Besides, I know too many courageous people to back out now. My wife had an awful experience her first time giving blood, but she went and did it again. I have another friend who’s given blood many times despite a phobia of her own. Another of my friends has been to Afghanistan, and not for the souvenirs. I live in a nation built on the bravery of men and women who faced fears a lot bigger than five-minute medical tests.

Not to mention, I can shamelessly milk the drama on the blog.

Out of the night that covers me
Black as the pit from pole to pole
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

On Monday I’ll let you know how it went. Carpe diem.

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done?

How to be an Oneironaut

Sir! There is NO sighing here! I will have to ask you to leave!

The night before last, I had the craziest dream. I was in a dark room with a pocket full of coins. If I took out a coin and rubbed it with my thumb in a clockwise motion, it would make a little gear-like noise, and then light up. I’d throw the coins into the room so I could see. The catch was that the coins only stayed lit for so long – quarters for fifteen seconds or so, dimes a little less, pennies only a couple seconds. So I had to keep rubbing and tossing coins to see my way through this room.

Bizarre. But then, nobody ever says, “Hey, I had the most ordinary and straightforward dream last night.”

What if you could control that strangeness? What if you knew you were dreaming, and could do whatever you wanted, safe in the knowledge that you could always wake up? What if you could become an oneironaut – an explorer of the dream world?

It’s possible. Difficult, but possible. Several years ago, I spent a few months pursuing this path, and I did have some success.

The state of being aware that you’re dreaming is called lucid dreaming. It’s pretty hard for most people to reach this state, but it gets much easier with practice, and with the right technique. And once you’re lucid, the only limits are what you can imagine.

How to have a lucid dream:

1. Learn how to tell when you’re dreaming. This one’s easy. There’s a simple test. Look at some text – words on a page, a sign, whatever – and remember what it says. Look away for about three seconds, and then look back. If the text is the same as before, then you’re awake. The dreaming brain doesn’t do well with precise, rational details like that. It’s important, though, that you actually wait the three seconds before looking back. Do it too fast, and the text will be stored in sensory memory, sidestepping the test.

2. Get in the habit of reality-testing regularly. In order to know when you’re dreaming, you have to start doing the reality test while you’re awake. That way you’ll get in the habit, and sooner or later you’ll naturally try it while you’re dreaming. Once you fail the test, you’ll realize you’re dreaming, and by definition, you’re in a lucid dream.

3. Keep a dream journal. A lot of people say they don’t dream, or rarely dream, but the truth is they just don’t remember their dreams. And if you don’t remember your dreams, how will you know if you’ve had a lucid one? The solution is to keep a dream journal. Anytime you wake up – first thing in the morning, or even during the night – deliberately ask yourself whether you’ve had a dream, and what it was. Then write it down, because no matter how firm the memory seems, it almost always fades in minutes or hours. With practice, this gets much easier, and you’ll often find yourself recording two or three dreams per night.

Essentially, that’s it. Using just the techniques above, I’ve managed to have several lucid, controllable dreams. Tough, but totally worth it.

There are other techniques too, including a method for directly entering a lucid dream by staying conscious through the whole process of falling asleep. (No, I’m not kidding.) Google “lucid dreaming” and you’ll get plenty of useful hits.

What are your dreams like?

6:00 Work Call = No Post

I was going to do a post on lucid dreaming this morning, but I got a call from work at 6:00 and I have to go in.

I’ll be back tomorrow. In the meantime, you may enjoy this.

And Your Chains Shall Set You Free

6 AM on a Monday morning! Woo! Another week! Let’s do it!

(I am not actually that chipper. For some reason, blogging makes me want to type things like this. Probably a sign of dementia.)

Anyway.

I’ve been thinking this morning about creative freedom. One of the great things about art is that it’s totally unbounded. The scenes you paint, the poems you write, are limited only by your imagination. Freedom’s a good thing, right?

Yeah, it is. Mostly.

But I’m struck by the way many artists actually produce better work when you take away that unbounded universe, when you box them into a creative corner.

Just look at the first Star Trek movie, Star Trek: The Motion Picture. Or rather, don’t, because it pretty much sucks. The creators had a massive $46 million budget to work with, and they poured it into elaborate special effects, ending up with long, boring sequences of the Enterprise flying through one bizarre background after another, while the plot suffocates.

Burned by the failure, executives only allowed an $11 million budget for the second film. And guess what? Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan was a much better movie for it, with a focus on what really mattered: strong characters and a good story.

Of course, small-budget movies can still be bad, just as big-budget movies can be fantastic. But it seems to me that creative restrictions, far from stifling the artistic spirit, can actually sharpen it, give it focus.

I see it myself when I write sonnets. The sonnet is a fairly demanding form: fourteen lines, iambic pentameter, set rhyme schemes, a change in tone after the eighth line. Yet all these seemingly harsh and arbitrary rules work to the poet’s advantage. The fourteen-line limit forces you to pack in meaning, making every line count. Rhyme and meter make you reach out to interesting, unusual words you wouldn’t otherwise try. And the eighth-line volta ensures you don’t get complacent, asking that you tackle your subject from at least two different angles.

Shakespeare wrote all his plays in iambic pentameter, and you don’t hear him complaining. Probably because he’s dead, but still.

Time is another great motivator. Having just forty minutes each morning to write a post means I can’t indulge my inner perfectionist too much. I can’t toy with ideas forever, searching for just the right words. I have to hit Publish. And when I do, I often find that the most successful posts are the ones that seemed least “perfect” at the time.

Death, of course, is the ultimate deadline. Believe me, I’d take immortality pills if they sold them at Kroger. But I think the world gets much better art without them.

Just ask Shakespeare.

What do you think? Do you produce better work under a deadline, or other restrictions? Or are you blue sky all the way?

(Originally I wrote “Do you produce better wok…” Most delicious typo ever.)

Friday Links

So much fantastic stuff to share with you this week! Hold on tight, I’ve only got twenty minutes to type it all up.

Here’s a stunning photo of a praying mantis (or some similar-looking insect) with early-morning dew on its compound eyes.

A 3-D, interactive panorama of the Sistine Chapel. Beautiful.

A slow-motion video of an owl swooping in for the kill. The last few seconds, with the claws opening, are especially cool.

Did you know the Gettysburg Address was only ten sentences long? If you’ve never read it before, why not read it now? It isn’t often you can finish one of the great historical texts in a couple of minutes.

Speaking of Abraham Lincoln, check out this glorious bad-hair photo. I love how his expression says, “Take my picture, I don’t give a shit!” (Paraphrasing – naturally.)

The difference between you and me? I make this look *good.*

Also – did you know that Miguel de Cervantes (author of Don Quixote) died on the same day as William Shakespeare – but in a different calendar? Cervantes died on April 23, 1616, in the Gregorian calendar – the one we use today. Shakespeare died on April 23, 1616, in the Julian calendar, used in England at the time. Same date, ten days apart.

ALSO also, for you Trekkies out there, did you know Deanna Troi’s eyes were completely black? How did I not realize this until yesterday?!

WordPressers – we now have country stats for our visitors! There’s a link on the “Site Stats” page for the moment, though apparently it’ll be moving to the main page soon. TIL that I have a reader in Sri Lanka.

Finally, the usual webcomic roundup. SMBC nails it. xkcd nails it twice.

Have a stellar weekend. See you Monday!

Out of the Night that Covers Me

Short on time this morning, so no regular post. Instead, here’s Morgan Freeman reading the poem “Invictus,” from the movie of the same name. (The title is Latin for “unconquered.”) Enjoy!

(Update: I guess they’ve disabled video embedding for some reason, so you’ll have to click the link.)

Invictus
William Ernest Henley, 1875

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Just Act Normal!

I used to be a big Garfield fan as a kid. Out of the countless hours I spent reading every Garfield book I could get my hands on, this comic stands out clearly in my mind over a decade later.

Jon says, “Tell me, Garfield, when you walk, do your right and left legs travel together, or do you use your opposing legs?”

Garfield looks down at his own legs, eyes widening with revelation. He thinks, “I’ll never walk again.”

Isn’t it a remarkable paradox that the subconscious brain can do certain things flawlessly – until the conscious brain steps in? You can do it, as long as you don’t know you’re doing it. Effort makes you fail.

The same thing happens when a nurse is taking your pulse, or doing any other routine check, and tells you to “breathe normally.” How the hell do you breathe normally once you’re thinking about it? That’s a task for the lizard brain, not the human brain.

This comes up in other, more important ways too.

I live in a small town. It’s a nice place, with nice people, ideal in a lot of ways. But it’s not very, um, diverse. We have white Protestant Republicans and white Catholic Republicans, and for the most part, that’s about as deep as the differences go. And if you look at the particular part of town where I live and work, people are all pretty much in the same economic bracket too.

So when I run into someone different – race, background, whatever – something bizarre and rather silly happens.

The lizard brain points out, with no particular interest, that this person is different from me. Immediately the so-called “higher” brain functions take over, supplying all sorts of useful information, like “You may be unconsciously biased toward this person and not even realize it,” and “You should really try to fight any subconscious bias you may have,” and, most helpfully of all, “Just act normal!”

Thanks, brain. Appreciate that.

The result of trying to be cool is that I’m a little stiff, a little weird, a little formal. That’s what I get for thinking.

Does anybody else’s brain pull these kinds of antics?

Don’t Blog About How Your Blog Sucks

No, really. Don’t.

I see this from time to time, mostly with younger bloggers. People write things like, “I know my posts have been crap lately,” or “It doesn’t matter, nobody’s reading this anyway.” They trash what they’re doing while they’re doing it.

Think about the message this sends to your readers. They came to your website for no other reason than to read your words, which is a remarkable thing. They came because they expected to find something valuable. Are you really going to tell them they’re wrong?

I understand the temptation. I know what it’s like to feel that your writing isn’t any good, that your readers are wasting their time, that you don’t have “enough” readers, or followers, or commenters, or people linking to you (whatever “enough” means). I know these feelings very, very well. And your blog is an expression of self, so I get that you want to put those feelings out there.

But don’t.

If you want people to listen to you, you have to project confidence. If you expect yourself to keep writing, you have to have confidence. Nobody wants to board a sinking ship. Even if you only have three readers, write like you have a thousand. Make them feel they’re part of something special, something worth their time. Fake it till you make it.

This idea may not sit well with some of you. My generation is very open with its feelings. If we’re upset or depressed or excited, we want to share it with the world, and some people confuse over-sharing with honesty. But honesty isn’t about broadcasting your raw, unfiltered emotions. It’s about honoring a contract of trust. You can be honest with your readers without drowning them in angst.

With that in mind, I suggest two possible approaches for handling your self-doubt.

First, don’t blog about it at all. You can still talk about it, to your friends or your family or whoever, just don’t do it on your blog. Let your readers remain blissfully unaware.

Second, blog about it professionally. Choose your words with care. Write about your feelings without trashing yourself, the work you’ve created, or (God help you) the people kind enough to read it.

You can say “I struggle with these kinds of thoughts” without saying you’re worthless. You can say “I probably should’ve researched that last post more carefully” without saying it was crap. You can say “By this time next year I hope to have 100 followers” without saying your website’s a ghost town.

If this sounds like soulless corporate business-speak, well, it is – just a touch of it. But there’s a reason businesspeople talk that way. It’s because business is about getting shit done. A little veneer of professionalism won’t squelch your primal artistic bird-spirit, trust me. It might even get a few more people to read about it.

Do you notice many bloggers doing this sort of thing? How does it make you feel as a reader?

Starstuff

Wish you were here?

A section of the Omega Nebula, three light years wide. Taken by the Hubble Space Telescope (NASA). http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Omega_Nebula.jpg

Back in December, my dad threw down the gauntlet.

He was talking about the life cycle of stars, and the fact that all the building blocks of our world – carbon, oxygen, nitrogen, iron, etc. – were created in the hearts of supernovae. [CORRECTION: Strictly speaking, this is not true. The elements I named are actually the product of stellar fusion rather than supernovae per se. Supernovae are responsible for even heavier elements, like uranium. Ahem. Carry on.] The stars themselves forged the elements that make us up today.

Or, as Carl Sagan put it:

…we who embody the local eyes and ears and thoughts and feelings of the cosmos, we’ve begun, at last, to wonder about our origins. Star stuff, contemplating the stars. Organized collections of 10 billion billion billion atoms, contemplating the evolution of matter, tracing that long path by which it arrived at consciousness here on the planet Earth, and perhaps, throughout the cosmos.

But my dad said that although this view of the world is very beautiful, you don’t see many poems written about it. Let’s face it, most poets just aren’t that into astrophysics.

Or, as Richard Feynman put it:

Our poets do not write about it; our artists do not try to portray this remarkable thing. I don’t know why. Is no one inspired by our present picture of the universe? This value of science remains unsung by singers: you are reduced to hearing not a song or poem, but an evening lecture about it. This is not yet a scientific age.

You can see where this is going. Dad challenged me to write a poem celebrating the beauty of our stellar origins. For the right price, I accepted. I wrote the sonnet below on the last day of the year.

Starstuff

From stars we come, and to the stars return.
My hands, my wife, my Chevrolet, Milan,
The weathered heath, the dew-encrusted fern,
Aurora borealis and Cezanne:
Ambassadors of one ancestral realm
Where all, their duty done, alike retire –
One mother’s children drive one vessel’s helm,
And keep, in hearts and hulls, a common fire.
When downstairs in the stillness of the dark
My desperate chains of thought hold sleep away
And green electric digits glowing stark
Denote the drowning of another day,
I listen to the rush of distant cars
And tell myself I hear the song of stars.

In spite of its flaws, I like it pretty well, and was thinking I might send it off a few places, try to get it published.

Unfortunately, the first line was bugging me. I wasn’t sure I’d invented it; I thought I’d heard it elsewhere before. A little Googling revealed I was right.

From the stars we came. To the stars we return. From now, till the end of time. We therefore commit these bodies to the deep.

-Captain John Sheridan, Babylon 5

I’m not sure whether this would be considered plagiarism in the strictest sense, but I know the line isn’t my own work, so I don’t feel right keeping it. Unfortunately, I can’t think of any replacement that sounds half as good and still fits the rest of the poem.

So, lacking any other home for it, I’ll put it here.

I’m not sure I really fulfilled what Feynman had in mind with his quote above. I think he was talking more about celebrating the spirit of scientific inquiry, whereas I focused more on the vision that spirit revealed. But then, Feynman was kind of a dick, so I don’t especially care. My dad liked it, which means a whole lot more to me. And I’ll venture to say it might have made Dr. Sagan smile, too.

By the way, as a prize for this endeavor, my dad gave me a totally kickass Monty Python’s Holy Grail mug, shaped like, well, a grail. Good things come to those who write. Just sayin’.

What inspires you?