Writers – you may have heard – are crazy. They are crazy because it is a part of their genius.
Oh, man. I almost kept a straight face there.
Okay, writers may be crazy in part because of the acid monsters and space pirates and steampunk empires that rattle around perpetually in their brains, but mostly they’re crazy because they’re human, and crazy is sort of what humans do.
If you’ve ever felt like you have a screw or six loose, take a peek inside my brain:
1. I get nervous about getting nervous about things. That is, some event is coming up that – in itself – doesn’t bother me in the slightest; but I know the event will make me nervous, and I get worried about that. Thing is? I’m not wrong.
2. I have to expend more mental energy to distinguish east from west than to recite the first twenty digits of pi. I am not joking about this.
3. If I find a spider in my house, I capture it alive and release it outside. In general, I do not do this with any other kind of bug.
4. Every time someone says anything even remotely unflattering about Shakespeare (for example, “Shakespeare is not godlike but merely angelic”) I imagine Harold Bloom twitching somewhere in the world.
5. After shampooing and rinsing my hair in the shower, I have – on multiple occasions – forgotten whether I shampooed my hair and had to do it again. You may be wondering, then, why I say “again” if I can’t remember in the first place. People: I’m assuming.
6. I have – on multiple occasions – revised an instant message for clarity before hitting Send.
7. Probably the majority of my philosophical knowledge – including absolutely everything I know about John Stuart Mill and Wittgenstein – comes exclusively from research I did after being curious about the names in the Monty Python Philosophers’ Drinking Song. Again: I am not joking about this.
Anybody think they can top any of that? Leave it in the comments!
Brian D. Buckley 
mmmm, let me see.
Oh I’ve got some. I can do complex high order differential equations with multiple boundary conditions. But the other day I had to type 50/13 into a calculator because I was unable to do it by hand in 20 seconds.
It took me close to 3 years to learn how to laugh properly. For a long time I used to make a weird hissing, hyena-ish laugh. Occasionally I will still ‘hyuck’ like goofy.
I’ve gone into and out of a room at least fifteen times, because I forgot something in that room. The reason I do it so many times because as I go to grab the item in question, i get distracted and do something else. One time I meant to grab my phone and ended up making another bowl of cereal, putting away laundry, taking a shower, watching an episode of scrubs and reading 20 pages of a book. Each activity was separated by, “Oh I need to grab my phone.” and ended up with that not happening.
All of the accounts above are 100% true. Plus I like tacos.
Yeah, I have that problem with math too.
But I already knew you were crazy, Mr. Taco. 😀