The Nine

Writers talk a lot about their Muses. Searching for a Muse, waiting for the Muse to strike, even musing over plot ideas. Yet for as much lip service as these ladies get, I doubt many of their alleged devotees even know their names. Who are we talking about, exactly? What are they up to? Are they friend or foe?

Here’s what we’re dealing with:

1. Calliope. Muse of Epic Poetry. Of all the nine, Calliope (pronounced ka-LIE-ah-pee) has surely been the laziest in the last hundred years or so. There just ain’t a lot of epics anymore, y’know what I’m sayin’? But she redeems herself by lending her name to a totally badass steam-powered musical instrument.

2. Clio. Muse of History. Now we’re talking. This lady’s got her own cable channel. Granted, she might not be thrilled with their “Ooh, shiny!” approach to the subject, but then, a personification of a neurochemical process can’t exactly complain about sensationalism.

3. Erato. Muse of Love Poetry. As long as teenagers exist, she’s not going anywhere.

4. Euterpe. Muse of Song. Like all Muses, she’s the daughter of Zeus and Mnemosyne (Memory). With a name like “Euterpe,” she might have more need of Mommy’s help than some of her sisters.

5. Melpomene. Muse of Tragedy. Doesn’t get invited to a lot of birthday parties.

6. Polyhymnia. Muse of Hymns. She’s kinda poaching Euterpe’s domain a little, isn’t she? Think they picked their own areas, or just got them assigned?

7. Thalia. Muse of Comedy. Probably the most active in today’s Internet. Inventor of the LOLcat.

8. Terpsichore. Muse of Dance. Man, I could use her help. I’ve always invoked Samuel Adams in the past, but he only makes you think you’re a better dancer. Also, her name is the most fun to say: “terp-SIK-uh-ree!”

9. Urania. Muse of Astronomy. Yeah, astronomy. Don’t get me wrong, I love the subject, but there’s a definite “one of these things is not like the others” vibe going on here. Maybe scientists were just a lot more creative back then?

Anyway, for those keeping score, there’s not a single Muse of the nine devoted to prose. Story-writers and novelists will have to, er, be creative when it comes to invoking their inspiration. Personally, as a sci fi writer, I’m going for Urania.

Which Muse do you choose?