But I can still blame the media, right?

Me: The news is all about sensationalism, splashy headlines, scandals, and gossip. Give me something real. Something that matters.

News: Okay. There are five million Syrian refugees who —

Me: No, that’s horribly depressing and I haven’t even had coffee yet. I mean, it’s important, but — what else do you have?

News: Six months after Hurricane Maria, hundreds of thousands of Puerto Ricans are still without electricity —

Me: Also horribly depressing.

News: Okay … well, we’ve got new tariffs in place, NAFTA’s future is shaky, and healthcare reform is still a huge open question.

Me: And I’m glad you’re covering that stuff but it’s also really complicated and there’s not much I can do about it. What else?

News: Let’s see. We can talk about immigration reform, border security, examine the problem from diverse viewpoints …

Me: I’m tired of hearing about that.

News: Um. Facebook privacy concerns?

Me: Yeah, trusting Facebook with personal data is like telling Lex Luthor to babysit your kid. This is not a shocking revelation. Next.

News: Famous person who died recently?

Me: Didn’t even care about them when they were alive.

News: Endangered elephants in Africa?

Me: Depressing.

News: Science has found a new technique for achieving happiness?

Me: Probably over-extrapolating from one or two little studies.

News: Brand-new album by a lesser-known artist?

Me: Eh.

News: Trends in fashion?

Me: No.

News: March Madness?

Me: I assume you’re kidding.

News: Well … (deep sigh) White House gossip and stupid Trump tweets?

Me: YESSSSSSSSSSSS

Okay, I’m exaggerating. But still.