Yoda vs. Spider-Man:
Yoda vs. Death Star:
Yoda vs. Spider-Man:
Yoda vs. Death Star:
A lot of important issues were decided last night besides just who would be President. Same-sex marriage and pot legalization were on the ballots in several states, to name just two examples.
I have a lot of news to catch up on. Perhaps you do, too.
See you tomorrow!
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That’s the political mail we got yesterday alone.
That’s what every house in Ohio has been getting for weeks now. Vote Romney. Vote Obama. Sherrod Brown Personally Saved a Bald Eagle And/Or Will Eat Your Children’s Souls. Josh Mandel: Don’t Confuse Me With Howie. Vote Yes/No/Maybe on Issue 2.
In case you’ve somehow missed the year-long fusillade of paper and photons, today is Election Day. If you’re an American citizen, registered, and informed on the issues, please vote today if you haven’t already.
Otherwise, you know, have a parfait. Everybody likes parfait.
Either way, starting November 7, enjoy the blessed silence.
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The Goodtimes Jukebox was fourteen kilometers across and extended three kilometers down into the rocky crust of Titan, Saturn’s great orange moon. Every second of every day it pumped in millions of cubic meters of nitrogen and methane and ethane, churned it through eighty-three kilometers of underground pipes, sifted it through vessel after vessel and unit after unit, and finally spat out its end product.
The machine broadcast happiness, pure human happiness, to the entire solar system. All across the colonies orbiting Neptune, Jupiter, and Venus, on Mars and Luna, and even on good old Earth, 200 billion people went about their daily lives with small smiles of deep, genuine satisfaction, free from anxiety and unhappiness and fear, courtesy of the nonstop stream of 5.6-kHz J-waves broadcast direct from Titan, courtesy of the Goodtimes Jukebox.
Angie Ming was happy, sitting in a small room in the heart of the machine, surrounded by softly pulsing displays and touchscreen controls. She had been happy just about her entire life, even though she was all alone here, a leftover relic from a much larger human staff that had gradually been replaced by robotic attendants. Now she was Chief Operator of an empty room, 59 years old, with no other career prospects in sight.
None of that bothered her in the slightest.
Nor was she worried that she was about to turn off the source of her contentment. Every eleven years, the culmination of a vast internal cycle that no single human any longer fully understood, she would flip the switch and the great machine would take an hour of rest, to reboot and start up fresh for another eleven years of nonstop warm fuzziness.
Angie Ming tapped her screen for the eighth time, laughing quietly at the precautions, as she indicated that yes, she really really did want to do this. The speakers bing-ed softly, the lights flickered, and with a titanic groan that settled into a fourteen-kilometer-wide sigh, the Goodtimes Jukebox turned off its tune.
All of humanity had taken the day off work, she knew, in preparation for this scheduled calamity. They would be hunkered down at home, or in specially designed shelters where they were robotically monitored for signs of suicidal leanings. She herself felt the contentment and certainty gradually drain from her skull, the slow tightening in her chest, the heavier breath, the vast loneliness of the mechanical behemoth that had swallowed her whole. She looked at her reflection on a chrome panel, pinched the strands of gray hair with an uncharacteristic worry. For the first time in eleven years she felt rather than knew that someday – at least half a century distant, to be sure – she would certainly die.
And then she remembered Walter.
Walter, the man who had given her his surname, the man who had given up his teaching job on Io to move with her into this robotic dungeon. Who had held her hand all through the last reboot, who had smiled at her through his own pain with kind gray eyes. Walter, for whom death was no gray-haired abstraction.
Hot tears spilled down her face, and for a miniature eternity she cradled herself in her arms, as human beings were doing all across their far-flung islets of civilization. She rocked forward and back, propelled by the deep-rolling waves of grief, the last real piece of him she had left.
The screen lit up again, and slowly she raised her red eyes to see.
Reboot complete. Reactivate? Y/N
She stared, as if freshly woken from an ancient dream. She lifted her hand but did not touch the screen. She sat this way for a long, long time, feeling the question and its answer circling in her heart.
Reboot complete. Reactivate? Y/N
In case you somehow missed the news, there’s going to be a Star Wars VII, VIII, and IX.
A gorgeous, six-minute video tour of the known universe.
PvP shows how couples can work through the difficult issues.
Ladies and gentlemen, the world has a new fastest supercomputer. Meet the Titan.
A wooden ball rolls down an unfathomably long wooden staircase, playing a musical note with each step. The result? Jesu, Joy of Man’s Desiring. Must be seen to be believed.
New trailer for Iron Man 3 if you haven’t seen it yet.
Questionable Content produces the funniest comic I’ve seen in a while.
Meanwhile, this SMBC represents the first time I’ve ever read the phrase “big gay zeppelin.” So, you know, good work there.
Hope your weekend is fantastic. See you next week!
Yoda vs. Samara Morgan:
Yoda vs. Superman:
Let’s look at some commonly-confused pairs of words, and the differences between them.
premiere vs. premier – A “premiere” is the first showing of a play, movie, etc. A “premier” is a high-ranking government officer, sometimes equivalent to a prime minister. The Premier of China decided not to attend the premiere of Taken 2, on account of its suckage.
sympathy vs. empathy – “Sympathy” means feeling for someone, while “empathy” means feeling with someone. If you sympathize with someone’s suffering, you pity them, but if you empathize, you actually put yourself in their shoes and feel a little of what they’re feeling. I sympathized with him for having seen Taken 2, but since I hadn’t seen the film myself, I couldn’t really empathize.
decry vs. descry – To “decry” something is to denounce or condemn it. Obama and Romney have been decrying each other’s policies for months now. Totally unrelated is “descry,” which means that you see something unclear by looking carefully – for example, you might descry Waldo in a picture after a moment of hunting. Unable to descry even a hint of originality in Taken 2, the critic decried its director, its writer, and whoever came up with that breathtaking title.
affect vs. effect – This pair’s especially tricky, since both words have multiple meanings. “Affect” typically means to influence, so if a hurricane affects your travel plans, it means your plans changed because of the storm. “Effect,” on the other hand, is typically a noun, as in “cause and effect.” Watching Taken 2 affected me deeply: its effects included nausea and clinical depression. However, “affect” can also mean to pretend, as in “The girl from Pakistan affected a Norwegian accent.” And “effect” can be a verb, meaning to cause an effect, as in “Our presentation effected a major shift in their policy.”
ensure vs. insure – In general, “ensure” means to make sure, so for instance, you might take good care of your car to ensure it doesn’t break down. On the other hand, “insure” generally means to guarantee against harm, so if you insure your car, you’re guaranteeing that you’ll get repaid if your car does break down. My insurance policy doesn’t refund ticket prices for bad movies, so I’ll just have to ensure that I don’t see Taken 2. But just to make things even more confusing, the dictionary says “insure” and “ensure” can also take each other’s meanings. I wouldn’t recommend it.
What words do you get confused?
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…or depressed, or lonely, or anxious, or angry, or hating yourself. This technique works on any negative emotion.
But let’s talk about fear.
Fear is a remarkably universal experience. It doesn’t just happen with big things, like a hurricane slamming the East Coast. It’s ever-present in everyday life, in small doses and large. Fear of disappointing someone. Nervousness over giving a presentation. Worry that you’ve offended a friend. Even when we’re happy, fear seeps into so many ordinary moments that it starts to feel normal. Often we don’t even notice it.
When we do, what happens?
There are two common responses to fear: fight it, or run from it.
Running from it is easier, but of course that just turns a life full of fear into a life full of running. Avoiding fear makes the thing we fear loom larger and darker, and constrains us to huddle in a little ball where we feel safe and comfortable. Except that long-term, you can never really escape, so you just end up feeling afraid all the time.
Fighting it is certainly better, but this approach has its own problems. Casting fear as an adversary to be battled means setting yourself up for a lifetime of battles. You vs. Fear, Round 879. Even if you can conquer one specific fear (and you definitely can), there’s always the next monster to face. Waging a neverending battle can leave you exhausted, and your failures can make you feel like you’re a failure, too.
Fight it, or run from it. But there’s a third path.
Accept your fear.
This doesn’t mean surrendering, letting the fear dominate you. Nor does it mean calling it out, demanding it submit. Accepting your fear means giving yourself the freedom to really experience it for the first time, examining the feeling, swishing it around in your head and savoring it like a fine merlot. Despite a lifetime of running from or fighting this adversary, how often do we stop and ask what it really is? How does it really feel?
Breathe it in. Experience its sensations. A slight nausea, perhaps. A tightness in the chest. A tensing of the muscles. Take stock of your physical reactions. Take a good, hard look at the monster, and give it license to roam. Watch what it does.
Try this, and you just might find that the monster loses some of its power. It’s used to chasing and sparring; it is unaccustomed to being a houseguest, awkward in its manners. It is no longer as dark as it once was.
This technique won’t make the fear go away. That isn’t the point. You’ll still be afraid, at least for now; there’s no quick fix to that. But it’s possible to transform fear from a crushing weight into something lighter, something that flows into you freely and then back out again.
Try it sometime. See what you think.
How do you handle your fear?
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Click to enlarge.

Me as Two-Face. Yes, I am freakishly tall. The costume is homemade, and 95% my wife’s work. Love it! That scepter in the background belonged to a girl who dressed up as the singer from the Do You Wanna Date My Avatar video.

The not-so-itsy-bitsy spider, checking out our spooky screensaver. Poe’s feathered henchman keeps things classy up top.

At first I thought these were just meatballs with olive slices that my wife made. Turns out? Actual ogre eyes. Delicious.
Good time had by all. We got about a dozen guests, with costumes including Nyan Cat, the Do You Wanna Date My Avatar girl, Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head, Lara Croft, The Dude from The Big Lebowski, a nerd drag queen, and a Scotsman in a kilt. I’ve got photos of them too, but I’m not going to put them on the blog, because I don’t want to be That Guy.
How about you? Doing anything fun for Halloween?
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