Forty-Minute Poem: The Order of Things

The Order of Things

The neighborhood treeline cuts fractallike
into the cloudless pink infinitude
of the morning sky.
Daylight enters this place
of trimmed grass and white fences,
not boorishly, but with slow respect
for the night that has been,
like a samurai drawing another’s sword.
Yesterday I mowed the back lawn,
wielding my coughing engine and whirling blades
boorishly, hacking with human impatience
the parts of nature’s growth
least convenient to me.
Today I am writing a poem about it.
In five thousand years, the treeline
will cut fractallike into the cloudless pink infinitude
of the evening sky.

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4 responses to “Forty-Minute Poem: The Order of Things

  1. It wa an interesting poem! Since you gave me permission to critique your works, here goes.
    I thought that the subject was well done- in a way. Although I tend to find mowing the lawn booring, you somehow made it an interesting venture. Your descriptions were also done particularly well.

    “The neighborhood treeline cuts fractallike
    into the cloudless pink infinitude
    of the morning sky.”

    I thought these lines were particularly well done. They gave me a good sense of what you saw, and although to people less familiar with math Fractallike might seem like an odd word choice, I thought it fit right in. Also, cloudless pink infinitude was my favorite line.

    The two things that I think would make the poem better is your rythm- I felt that the rythm sort of fell apart, or that maybe it was never there in the first place. Also, I tend to dislike lines such as ‘now i’m writing about it,’ simply because it cuts even further into the flow and snaps me out of whatever dream or spell you managed to weave with the rest of your work.
    Overall, it was great to see another poem from you. I look forward to your next poem. Now if only Liadan would post a poem on her blog, then life would be complete. (But it’s all right. I can wait. And wait. And wait some more. . .)
    Thanks for posting!

  2. I really liked “cloudless pink infinitude” also, very nice! 🙂

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