Poison Ivy is High in Fiber

You see “All-Natural” on a lot of labels. Foods, vitamins, herbal supplements.

All-natural. No artificial ingredients. This is supposed to be a good thing: the full healing and nourishing power of nature, without any toxic chemicals added by Man.

Chemicals are bad. We don’t like chemicals. Artificial is bad, too. We want all-natural. Filled with nature’s goodness.

Can I say something about nature? Nature has been trying to kill us for two and a half million years. The only reason we exist, as a species, is that we’re better than our ancestors at not being murdered by nature.

Here is a list of things which are all-natural:

• poison ivy
• the bubonic plague
• rats, infested with fleas, that have the bubonic plague
• tsunami
• malaria
• toenail fungus
• Komodo dragons

Check out this sweet all-natural mushroom:

Amanita phalloides

Take a bite of this. It tastes good! You just found a great-tasting mushroom, you’re having an excellent day. A few days later, you start throwing up. Weird, but probably unrelated to those cool mushrooms you found, huh? Then delirium, seizures, coma. In a couple of weeks you’re dead.

You’ve just experienced the all-natural healing power of the “death cap” mushroom. As a side exercise, see if you can guess why it’s called that.

What about “chemicals?” We don’t like chemicals, right?

Great. Here’s a short list of common chemicals you’ll want to avoid:

• water
• vitamin C
• calcium

And, of course, we don’t want anything artificial. So when you drink your non-water-based natural beverages, be sure you don’t use a cup. Cups are man-made and artificial. Drink from your hands. And if you don’t want to drink it cold, hopefully you can find a fire burning naturally in the wild to heat it up for you.

Don’t read blogs. The Internet is artificial. Actually, reading is artificial. So are houses, clothes, and spoons. So here’s what I want you to do: sit naked on a rock, and don’t drink any water ever, and don’t read anything ever. All natural, chemical-free, problem solved.

I’ve probably made my point.

Look, there are a ton of horrible chemicals in the food we eat. I get that. Fresh fruits and vegetables are better for you than food pumped full of preservatives. I get that too. 90% of the stuff on grocery shelves today is crap, and you have to be careful what you eat. No doubt about any of that.

But the idea that “all-natural” is automatically good, or “chemicals” are automatically bad, is sheer ignorance. And thousands of people in marketing make a living by trying to keep you ignorant.

Why give them the satisfaction?