Three years ago, I entered a contest on some writer’s blog (I think Scalzi). It was simple: come up with the worst imaginable idea for a novel, then write a one-sentence sales pitch for it.
I wrote two.
I didn’t win the contest. But I stumbled across my entries again today, and they still make me laugh, three years later.
So here they are, the two worst novel ideas in the universe (or at least in Brian’s head):
Marcus, a double amnesiac, has forgotten that he forgot everything and lives in a state of vague uncertainty; later, when the first (but not the second) amnesia spontaneously reverses itself, he is forced to reconcile a full lifetime of memories with the unshakable conviction that he does, in fact, have some sort of amnesia.
When Erica learns she is the protagonist in a work of fiction, she gets revenge on the author by deliberately living as boring a life as possible, to hurt the book’s sales; but when the author retaliates by shifting focus to another character, can she convince the new protagonist to also be boring in time to ruin the plot?
Well? Would you pick up either of these books in a Barnes & Noble? š
What’s the worst book (or book idea) you’ve heard of?
Brian D. Buckley 
The second one has potential.
I’ll see if I can boring it up for you. š
Have you considered fusing both ideas?
The protagonist repeats the same boring day over and over again (using cut-and-paste). They suddenly realise they are doing it but refuse to investigate why and continue to live the same day.
Hahahaha…love it! Groundhog Day 2: Super Lazy Edition.
The second one actually sounds pretty good. While the actions of the character may be “boring” there is a rich internal dialogue that can be explored.
Worst plot ever? Hmmmmm. I can’t recall anything specific but it’s usually books that have the world ending in a short amount of time and then the main character had to do some improbable thing to save it. Also, cheap fantasy knockofs……I swear if I have to read another book where a child who thought he was just a poor orphan is actually “the chosen one” I’m going to set some writer’s typewriter on fire.
Ever seen Tropic Thunder? The beginning has a fake movie trailer that parodies all those ridiculous action flicks and their endless sequels. Ben Stiller has a line, something like “I can’t believe it’s happening again…AGAIN.” Badass.
Tropic Thunder is great.
Your second idea sounds like a Charlie Kaufman movie to me. See if you can get a pitch meeting. š
Oh, and I agree with zeev about the “Chose One” thing. I wrote about that on my blog a while back:
http://u-town.com/collins/?p=169
“What do you mean, you people?”
“What do you mean, you people?”
Classic. š
jajajaaaa…hey Brian, if you didn’t win, doesn’t that mean that these ARE NOT. THE WORST. BOOK IDEAS. EVER… I think I like the challenge both of these plots represent in reading and in writing, being so incredibly absentminded I would have to go back and forth to be able to follow the story, and knowing that i follow the author’s blog, well, I would buy both (but maybe through Amazon because the nearest B&N is about a three hour drive) š both plots seem much more real than all those vampire books and those are selling big…
If I ever turn either into a book, you’ll be the first to know. š
Bring on the crazy plot! jajajaaa