Lost and Found

Five years ago, my friend Paul showed me a great little video, a foreign-language short film about a woman who gets trapped in a time loop. It’s like Groundhog Day, if Groundhog Day were ten minutes long and featured gangsters, gun battles, and a young Greek woman replacing Bill Murray.

Fast-forward three or four years. I want to show someone the video, but I can’t find it. I haven’t saved it anywhere, I don’t remember the name, and I don’t know enough details to search for it successfully.

So I ask Paul.

He knows exactly the video I mean, but he can’t remember the title either, nor does he have it saved anywhere. So we both get to work interrogating Google.

Bear in mind, we both are (or were) professional computer programmers, both reasonably resourceful and creative, both highly motivated to find this little movie we both loved. We spent hours on this. I hunted through giant lists of media featuring time loops. I even posted to a subreddit dedicated to finding things whose name you can’t remember. No luck.

Fast-forward to yesterday. For whatever reason, I had the idea of hunting through my diary for this thing. (I’ve kept a journal more or less consistently, although not daily, since 2003.) I just searched for “Paul.” After sifting through hundreds of results, I finally came across this:

Friday, June 24, 2011
Also watched the short film Paul sent me about the girl who gets shot over and over – very cool. I mean, when I say it like that it doesn’t sound cool, but the actual film is cool.

No helpful details about the movie itself, but at least now I have a date, which is something. Maybe it was released in 2011. Armed with this possibility, I come back to Google, freshly determined to investigate every possible angle.

Nothing.

That’s when I realize I’ve missed the most important detail from my journal entry: Paul sent me. I’d been sure we watched it together in person, but sent suggests he emailed or IMed it to me. Fervently hoping for the former, I open my inbox (which I swear I had already tried) and go to that date…

Sure enough, there’s the link.

I went over to Paul’s house yesterday and we watched it again, for the first time in almost five years. It’s called “Dead on Time.”

And here it is:

Another story? For years – maybe a decade – I had this quote in my head. Something like: “It is said that humans are never satisfied. And this is said disparagingly, whereas it is one of our greatest strengths.”

I really wanted to find the actual quote, and the source, but here too Google came up empty. The fragments I remembered were just too vague, and the quote itself too obscure. (It probably didn’t help that I’d somehow gotten the erroneous notion it was from Arthur C. Clarke.)

And then, a few months ago, I was going through some of my grandma’s old stuff, including books. I picked up her old copy of John Steinbeck’s The Pearl, flipped through it at random, and stumbled across this quote like thunder from the blue:

For it is said that humans are never satisfied, that you give them one thing and they want something more. And this is said in disparagement, whereas it is one of the greatest talents the species has and one that has made it superior to animals that are satisfied with what they have.

I had read The Pearl in high school, or thereabouts. Lost and found.

In an age of instant access to all information, it’s curiously frustrating to be unable to find something when you have enough information to describe it, and you know you’d recognize it. Somehow it feels like a cheat when the information exists and is available to the public, but you can’t have it.

And it’s that much sweeter when you finally find it again.

Speaking of Apologies…

I haven’t even seen Fantastic Mr. Fox – yet! – but I love this clip. When I have kid(s), I am determined to say this at least once.

fmf

“I’m Sorry”: A Guided Tour

Like so many English phrases, “I’m sorry” sounds simple, but it can mean a lot of separate things – all related, but subtly different.

I can think of at least five meanings for “I’m sorry.”

Sympathy for event I didn’t cause. As in, “I’m sorry your pet marmoset is going prematurely bald.” I’m not apologizing, because I had nothing to do with your monkey’s thinning hair. I just want you to know that I feel your pain.

Sympathy for event I caused out of necessity. As in, “I’m sorry I couldn’t go to your Arbor Day party, but my basement was flooding.” I did something that might’ve hurt you, but I still think it was the right decision, and if I could do it over, I’d do it the same way again. This is bordering on an apology, but there’s no real regret.

Sympathy for event I caused out of perceived necessity. As in, “I’m sorry I elbowed your nephew in the solar plexus, but it looked like he was reaching for his Glock.” I did something that might’ve hurt you, but I still think it was the right decision based on what I knew at the time. If I could do it over, I’d do it differently, but only with the benefit of hindsight. My emotional brain might regret what happened, but my rational brain says there’s no realistic way I could have handled it better.

Sympathy for event I caused accidentally. As in, “I’m sorry I dropped your nineteenth-century commemorative Louisiana Purchase porcelain Christmas ornament on the floor and it shattered into 87 pieces – I didn’t mean to.” Most people would call this a real apology, but I’m still not into the territory of genuine fault (unless I was being careless), because the event happened outside of my ability to control it. If I could do it over, I’d try to do it differently, but if I succeeded, it’d only be with the benefit of hindsight. And, by definition, I didn’t have that at the time.

Sympathy for event I caused deliberately. As in, “I’m sorry I tore off the head of your Kylo Ren action figure and hurled it into the garbage disposal – I was having a bad day.” Here, for the first time, I’m admitting to deliberately doing something I knew was wrong: a full and true apology.

Of course you could think of other scenarios that don’t fit neatly into those five categories, and you could debate how much fault is required to warrant a “true” apology, or what that even means. As usual, the more precisely you try to define a word, the fuzzier it gets.

My point is simply that “I’m sorry” is a remarkably vague statement. It can refer to a wide range of situations with very different ethical implications. And since we rarely know (or even consider) which kind of “sorry” we’re talking about, it’s hard to know what to make of someone else’s apology, or when to apologize yourself.

You can always decide not to worry about it and just say “I’m sorry” whenever it seems to feel right, but if you do it too much, the words can lose their meaning and become mere reflex.

And what should you do if you reflexively say “I’m sorry” so much that it loses its meaning?

Well, I suppose you’d better apologize.

I Just Figured Out My Business Slogan

Brian D. Buckley, Editor

Kicking ass and taking names, and editing those names according to a style sheet, and also not kicking ass because that’s violent and I’m an editor.

Hey Brian, are you working on a secret project that’s super exciting for you, but will be a colossal disappointment to everyone else?

yes

Babies and the English Language

As a father-to-be, you get excited and nervous, but there are also some real frustrations and challenges to deal with.

I’m talking, of course, about grammar.

The hoi polloi have never needed an excuse to mangle sentences, but during pregnancy and beyond, the offenses seem to multiply. I’ve noticed three big ones so far.

Who’s Pregnant, Anyway?

“We’re pregnant.” You hear that a lot. Or “You and Betsy are pregnant.” I knew about this construction before, of course, but it’s different when you’re at the center of it.

And I get the sentiment, I really do. It’s a nice thought. It’s emphasizing that the husband and wife are a team, that she’s not on her own. Pregnancy is a situation that encompasses both of us.

But really? “We’re pregnant”? Really?

If Betsy said, “Brian is pregnant,” no one would believe her without some convincing (and improbable) medical test results. If I said, “I’m pregnant,” I might be pregnant with meaning, but I would qualify for zero health insurance coverage. So we’re meant to understand, evidently, that Betsy is pregnant but I am not pregnant but we are pregnant together.

Look, nobody said English was logical, I understand that. But in this case there’s a perfect solution: expecting. As in, “We are expecting a baby, because Betsy is pregnant.”

So About This Baby

The normal way to talk about babies – or so I used to believe – was to say things like “their baby” or “our baby” or “the baby” or “this baby.” You know – standard English.

But as you begin to enter the vortex I am tentatively calling the Baby Dimension, a curious shift occurs. All extra words are dropped, and you simply have “baby.”

“Take good care of the baby” becomes “Take good care of baby.” “Your baby’s heartbeat is strong” becomes “Baby’s heartbeat is strong.” As if “baby” is now a generic, uncapitalized proper name.

It saves you a word, and it’s unambiguous, so I ought to love it. But it just sounds weird.

I wonder what wife thinks about that?

Baby Talk

I understand why babies talk wrong. They’re babies. If they know any words at all, it’s a staggering accomplishment. Good pronunciation and grammar are further down the road.

What’s less clear to me is why adults talk to babies as if they themselves are babies. Grown men and women will pick up a toy locomotive and ask their toddler, “What sound does the choo-choo make?” like some temporary trauma has erased their memory of the word train.

This would make slightly more sense if babies learned words independently, from some external source beyond parental control. But in fact, scientists are pretty damn sure that kids learn language from people who speak it, which is largely the kids’ parents. So if you’re already fuzzy on this whole English thing, it probably doesn’t help if your role model does it wrong on purpose.

I know it doesn’t matter. I’m just grouchy.

What I really don’t understand is when adults use baby talk when speaking about babies to each other. (I’ve seen it happen. And I’ve seen it happen in print.) I mean, at some point you just wonder if they know what the grown-up words are.

Parenting, I’m told, is all about being flexible and going with the flow, and having your priorities in the right place. Pretty sure I’m going to nail it.

Friday Links

  • Best Volleyball Blocks Ever with Scott Sterling. This video is three and a half minutes long, and I laughed almost the entire time. Props to Mr. Lapinski for telling me it exists.
  • For April Fools’ Day I posted an essay to the Buffy subreddit entitled The Marzipan Code: Buffybot’s Secret Revealed. With painstaking and ridiculous analysis, I carefully demonstrated that a single random line of throwaway dialogue is actually chock-full of deep, symbolic, Shakespearean meaning. The results were worth it.
  • Onion story: Study Links Clinical Depression To Getting Dunked On. “… test subjects exhibited low self-esteem, despair, and lost interest in normal activities after being dunked on with a devastating monster jam.” Well, they’re not wrong.
  • Onion story: How A Contested Convention Would Work. “Q: What is a contested convention? A: A way to ensure the voice of the people is heard and then checked for any obvious mistakes.”
  • You know how infomercials always show sad schmucks trying to do something without the Product, and it’s just so hard? (There has to be a better way!) Here’s 4 minutes and 34 seconds of that. Among the items that are just too difficult to use, you’ll find cell phones, bath towels, and soap.
  • I must be behind the times, because I only learned today that there’s a new Star Wars coming out this December, set between Episodes III and IV. It’s called Rogue One. Part of me wants to complain about the sheer volume of Star Wars getting pumped out lately, but it’s hard to complain about trailers like this one.
  • This news story is an obvious April Fools’ joke, except it wasn’t posted April 1, and it turns out to be totally real. Sweden now has its own phone number – you can call the country. The person who answers is an ordinary Swedish citizen, selected at random from among Swedes who downloaded the corresponding app. So, um. Want to talk to Sweden?

Have a succulent weekend!

Initialization

//Initialize/////////////////////////////

new Buckley miniBuckley;

miniBuckley.Age.Months = -6;

miniBuckley.Name = ""; //tbd

miniBuckley.Gender = ""; //tbd

miniBuckley.ArrivalDate = "09/30/2016"; //projected

//Set parent objects////////////////////////

miniBuckley.Mother = Buckley.Betsy;

Buckley.Betsy.Pregnant = true;

miniBuckley.Father = Buckley.Brian;

//conservative estimate
miniBuckley.Paternity.Probability = 0.76;

//Miscellaneous properties/////////////////////

miniBuckley.Intelligence.Projected = 94; //0-100 scale

miniBuckley.Intelligence.Current = 6;

//within acceptable parameters
miniBuckley.Attractiveness.Projected = 65;

miniBuckley.Attractiveness.Current = -8;

miniBuckley.NerdQuotient.Projected = 91;

//lives with mom, antisocial, never goes outside,
//lots of "potential"
miniBuckley.NerdQuotient.Current = 100;

//don't set, will cause integer overflow
//miniBuckley.Cost.Projected

//Activate//////////////////////////
miniBuckley.Life.Go();

Friday Link

Let’s Speak English is a webcomic I just discovered, by Mary Cagle, about her own real-life experiences as an American in Japan teaching English to grade-school kids. It’s funny because it’s true, and also because it’s funny. This one is possibly my favorite.

Watch out for April Foolers, and have a resplendent weekend.

Q&A with the So-Called Writer of this Blog

Hey

bwuh

Hey are you awake

sort of

How come you’re all groggy and droopy and such

can’t talk must edit

Yeah ’cause you seem like your English skills are pretty awesome right now

danke

What are you editing anyway

about 800 million powerpoint slides

Seriously

yes

Okay so what else

betsy’s family came to visit for easter

Was your 18-month-old niece adorable and did you eat way too much chocolate

yes

What is that kid’s vocabulary like

p sweet, she knows about 20 words now, i wrote them down do u want to hear them

Okay

uh-oh mommy elmo okay milk bubbles daddy dog-dog juice sock buh-bye hi baby ball mine binky please thank you book stuck

That’s pretty rad

ikr

Are you still planning to go to Boston at the end of April

yes

Any other social interaction

mr trube will be visiting this weekend and we might watch avatar

Did you find an amazing new webcomic that you can’t tell us about yet because it’s Friday Links not Thursday Links

yes

What do you think about people who mix up hyphens with en dashes

noobz

Whatcha been reading

time travelers guide to elizabethan england, paradise lost (again), joan of arc

Do you feel that people who underrate the value of science perhaps do not properly appreciate how much more horrifying the past was

yes

What’s the deal with Joan of Arc anyway?

amazing

What about that thing with the bird and Bernie Sanders, what’s up with that

bernie = radagast

Okay well I won’t take up any more of your time but your English really is outstanding

ty