Monthly Archives: November 2012

Friday Links & Calligraphy!

Earlier this week I asked for calligraphy requests, and you responded. Anthony Lee Collins requested “The Dude abides,” a Big Lebowski quote, while my good friend Zeev went for Serenity quote “I am a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.” Both excellent choices. Below are those two quotes, along with some others I’ve done in the past few days. Click to enlarge.

The most badass leaf-related quote of all time.

Also considered: Roflcopter

On to the links!

Try *this* on a Kindle.

The single coolest thing I’ve seen all week: a German dude created this gorgeous copy of Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, illuminated by hand medieval-style, over the span of a year. Can you imagine how much the highest-bidding Middle Earth fan would pay for this?

Yay for text

This is old news, but it was news to me. They’re actually, finally, no-joke making an Ender’s Game movie, to be released November 1, 2013, with Harrison Ford as Colonel Graff. W00t!

VELCOME TO MY BRIDGE

Cracked.com has a list of the 6 creepiest places on earth. How about a forest in Japan where people go to kill themselves? Or a bridge (pictured above) where dogs go to die? Yeesh.

You're on Candid Camera!

The Mars Rover has found something cool – “one for the history books,” according to NASA – but they won’t tell us what it is yet.

87.3% of statistics are made up on the spot.

The ridiculously sexist question “Which programming language is the most female friendly?” gets the ridiculous answer it deserves. Flawless victory.

I would play the *shit* out of this game

And finally, one more from Cracked.com, because I’m obsessed with them, apparently: a screenshot of Super Mario Bros. as played from Bowser’s point of view. Seriously: where can I buy this game?

See you next week!

Postmortem: Dracula

Get it? Dracula postmortem? Oh ho ho!

Ahem.

Bram Stoker’s Dracula is, of course, the quintessential vampire story, the grandaddy that spawned a genre still alive and kicking today. Stoker’s novel, published in 1897, didn’t invent the idea of the vampire – that was a much older myth – but it became the defining portrait of the creature for generations to come.

Reading it in 2012, therefore, is interesting for several reasons.

First, because it strips away a century of accumulated embellishment and returns you to the core tale. Most of the popular image of Dracula (tall, aristocratic, pale and creepy, East European accent) is accurate, but there are odd disparities. For instance: he has a mustache. This is so at odds with our modern perception that it isn’t even included on the cover, but it’s right there in the text. Dracula also has a host of supernatural abilities, including the ability to turn into a wolf or a large dog – which, today, would be more associated with werewolves, who are considered vampires’ enemies.

It’s interesting, too, because the novel presupposes a reader who no longer exists today: somebody who’s never heard of the Count. It’s hard to keep from laughing throughout the novel’s first fifty pages, as Jonathan Harker keeps thinking there’s something not quite right about this charming Count Dracula fellow. He lives alone in a castle, he only comes out at night, never eats, doesn’t have a reflection, is obsessed with blood…what could it be?

Putting aside the book’s status as a cultural icon, the novel itself holds up quite well even after a hundred years. It’s told in the form of diary entries, letters, telegrams, and newspaper clippings, which lends an air of verisimilitude to the work of fantasy. The first part – with Jonathan Harker traveling to Castle Dracula in Transylvania as the Count’s guest – is excellent, full of shadow and portent. Wolves – which the Count calls “the children of the night” – howl outside, and Harker becomes increasingly frantic as he realizes he’s trapped.

Dracula then travels to London, where the supply of blood is more plentiful. Here we acquire an ensemble cast of characters: Mina, Jonathan’s girlfriend; Lucy, Dracula’s first English victim; a handful of other, largely interchangeable, dudes who are all in love with Lucy; and of course, Professor Abraham Van Helsing, the only other character in the book that anyone remembers.

The London section of the book is also pretty good, with suspicions gradually increasing as nocturnal hijinx accumulate. Eventually, Van Helsing convinces everyone that Dracula’s gotta go, and the whole group works together to hunt him down. They eventually drive him back to Transylvania, where they finally (spoiler alert) kill him.

This final section of the book, which spans over a hundred pages, is also the weakest. The mystery is gone, replaced with the fairly complex mechanics of supernatural combat. Dracula himself spends most of his time not only offstage, but asleep in a box that other people are carting around for him. So, basically, they’re hunting a box. The climactic final scene? They open the box, find Dracula still comatose, and stab him. There’s a little more drama than that, but not much.

Still, a very solid read overall. For a book that’s over 400 pages, I tore through it pretty quick. Recommended to anyone who likes vampires or Victorian angst.

Or boxes.

Yoda vs. Everybody 17 & 18: Charlie Brown and Spock

Yoda vs. Charlie Brown:

Yoda vs. Spock:

How Old is “Old”?

There’s a line from the song Strawberry Wine that says: “I still remember when thirty was old.”

I’m twenty-seven now, but I don’t think I ever, even as a little kid, thought thirty was old. I’m not sure what I’d say, though, if I had to give a number. NPR did a story once where they said that as we age, we just move the “old” line back to whatever the next decade is, so that even eighty-year-olds think of ninety as the “real” old.

Which makes a kind of sense. Age is relative, after all. And we grow up thinking of “old” as something that happens to other people, so it’s strange to apply it to yourself when you’re still the same you inside.

Someday – hopefully – I will be eighty years old. It’s a strange thought. And yet, not so strange. Betsy and I both say that we’ve been old for years: we don’t like loud music or late parties, we tend to stay home, our joints hurt, and we listen to the Beatles. Hell, I’m reading Dracula right now, and that was published in 1897. Will it really be so different when my body catches up with my brain?

Another unusual wrinkle for me personally is that I think we are headed, sooner or later, for a Technological Singularity. I think that someday, technology will advance to the point that people live forever. And I think there is a small but very real chance that this will happen in my own lifetime, and that I personally could become immortal.

It’s certainly not something that I’m counting on or particularly expecting, and I realize it may sound bizarre. But when I think about getting old, that’s out there, too. Who knows?

Well, I’m rambling now. Just another sign that I need a cane and a rocking chair.

Remember, you still have till the end of the week to ask Brian anything!

Geek Calligraphy

Welcome back, hypothetical reader! Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving (for you Americans), and that everyone else had a superlative Thursday.

I went Black Friday shopping and bought…

dun dun dun

…a calligraphy pen. No particular reason. An impulse buy, really – just a simple felt-tipped deal, four dollars at Hobby Lobby.

I then learned how to write Blackletter (also known as “Gothic script” or, somewhat incorrectly, “Old English”) and spent hours practicing obsessively over the weekend. My pen ran out of ink, so I got five new ones (black, red, green, blue, brown) from Staples.

What happens when you teach calligraphy to a geek? You get, uh, geeky calligraphy.

Click images to enlarge.

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: Live long and prosper.

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: Honey Badger don't care.

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: The Cake is a Lie

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: Haters Gonna Hate

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: May the Force be with you.

Gothic Blackletter calligraphy: Merry Christmas

Any suggestions for other phrases to try?

Don’t forget, Ask Brian Anything is open till the end of the day Friday. I’ve gotten three excellent questions already, so add yours to the list! I will answer every question I get.

See you tomorrow!

Happy Thanksgiving!

The blog returns Monday, November 26.

Yoda vs. Everybody 15 & 16: The Borg and Sonic

Yoda vs. the Borg Collective:

Yoda vs. Sonic the Hedgehog:

Ask Brian Anything!

I’ve been yammering on this blog for an awful long time now. I figure, maybe it’s your chance to talk.

So here’s the deal: between now and the end of the month, ask me absolutely anything you want! I will answer every single question I get. (Limit one per customer. Ahem.)

I’ve done this once before, and y’all asked plenty of questions. We got a question on programming, a question on Star Trek, a question about how I met my wife, and even a question about questions.

This time, as before, the sky is the limit. What am I saying? The multiverse is the limit, where the multiverse is defined as everything that is a thing and/or not a thing. Ask me about the new Hobbit movie, or artificial intelligence, or my silver 2006 base-model four-cylinder Honda Accord, or the Wheel of Time and its last book which comes out January 8, or the relationship between pi and Euler’s number, or wombats, or…

You get the picture.

Leave your questions right here in the comments section of this post. The deadline is November 30.

My life is an open book. What do you want to know?

Flag Fail

Right now I’m memorizing the flags of every country in the world. As with all kinds of memorization, Anki makes this immeasurably easier. I’m a little less than halfway done.

But flags are strange, and the more you learn about them, the more weird little things you begin to notice.

For instance: what are the requirements for a national flag? It should represent your nation, it should use meaningful colors and symbols, it should be a source of pride…blah, blah, blah.

When you get down to brass tacks, there’s only one real requirement for a national flag: it should be unique. It should successfully identify your nation as separate from all other nations.

Right?

Sadly, some flags don’t even manage that.

For instance, here’s the Netherlands:

Not exactly unusual, a little similar to Russia and France, but still, a solid tricolor. Can’t beat red, white, and blue.

Luxembourg thought so too. Here’s their flag:

Okay, you’re thinking, maybe that’s not so bad. Yeah, they’re pretty close, but Luxembourg is still visibly lighter, isn’t it? They’re not exactly the same colors. No two countries would pick exactly the same colors…would they?

You tell me. Here’s Indonesia:

…and here’s Monaco:

Well, all right, the colors are the same. But the proportions are a bit different. They’re both rectangles, but Monaco is more square-ish, isn’t it? That’s something, right?

No two countries would pick flags so alike in both color and ratio as to be virtually indistinguishable, would they?

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Romania:

…and Chad:

Yeah.

In the face of such painful patriotic plagiarism, let’s give credit where it’s due. When it comes to originality, one country stands head, shoulders, and mountains above the rest.

You stay classy, Nepal.

Friday Links

Don't think we forgot about you, MONGOLIA

A researcher claims that throughout history, Great Britain has invaded all but 22 countries. Hey, give it time. C’mon, Queen…don’t you want a legacy bigger than fancy hats?

welp

Straight from Cracked: 6 Insane (But Convincing) Fan Theories About Kids’ Cartoons. First up: the characters in Spongebob Squarepants are the result of nuclear testing. Super Mario Bros. 3 and Aladdin make appearances too. Check it out!

See you next week.