a/s/l – This is how someone asks for your area code / superpower / favorite Lego set. A typical answer would be “937 / invisibility / Taj Mahal.”
backup – Allegedly a way to protect your files. Don’t fall for this scam. Two locations for data means twice the vulnerability to hackers.
blog – A juvenile balrog.
broadband – An outdated, sexist term for a woman’s connection to the Internet. The modern, gender-sensitive term is “damewire,” and the male equivalent is “phallifax.”
byte – An alternate spelling of “bidet.”
DB – Dorito Burrito.
DNS – Do Not Suscitate.
Error 404 – Page not working. Page needs encouragement. To load page, refresh 404 times.
flash drive – A hell of a lot more effective than a bake sale, I can tell you that.
forum – A small organ between the duodenum and the jejunum. It performs little digestion and primarily serves to pass along waste.
homepage – An online real estate listing.
HTML – High-Tech Masculine Libido.
HTTP – Hungarian Truck & Tulip Program. (Later changed to “Tubes” after it was discovered that the Internet is not a big truck.)
I/O – Iago/Othello slash fic.
IP address – The locations of the Italian Palaces, that is, the castles in Super Mario Bros. “Our princess is in another castle!”
Linux – The Borg-assimilated version of Linus van Pelt, originally planned for the Charlie Brown Christmas / Star Trek: First Contact crossover special. Eventually scrapped, mostly because somebody ratted us out to Charles Schulz. Bastard.
LOL – Land O’ Lakes butter. The traditional reply is GFY, “Good Food – Yum!”
malware – A common misspelling of “mallware,” so called for all the great deals you can get.
Microsoft – The third-worst male nickname of all time, just behind “Nanolimp” and “Picoflaccid.”
online – What words become if you underline them.
PDF – Partially Digitized Ferret.
pr0n – Priests, Rabbis, Zero Nuns.
RAM – Ritalin and Mescaline. (Sometimes measured in GB, or grams/bushel.)
social media – The correct plural of “social medium,” a gregarious clairvoyant.