The Deep Wisdom of Donald Trump

Trump’s wisdom is deep. Like, really deep. So deep that it might sound like stupidity to the untrained ear. What it is, in fact, is revolutionary.

Take, for instance, the infamous comments he made about John McCain back in July of last year. Trump was at a rally, talking to a Republican pollster named Frank Luntz.

Trump: “…I supported him [McCain] for president. I raised $1 million for him. That’s a lot of money. I supported him, he lost, he let us down. But he lost and I never liked him much after that ’cause I don’t like losers. But, but — Frank, Frank, let me get to it.

Luntz: “He’s a war hero. He’s a war hero …”

Trump: “He’s not a war hero …”

Luntz: “He’s war hero.”

Trump: “He is a war hero …”

Luntz: “Five and a half years in a Vietnamese prison camp …”

Trump: “He’s a war hero because he was captured. I like people that weren’t captured. So he’s a war hero …”

Luntz: “Do you agree with that?”

Trump: “He’s a war hero, because he was captured, okay? I believe, perhaps, he’s a war hero. But right now he said some very bad things about a lot of people. So what I said is John McCain, I disagree with him that these people aren’t crazy.”


To summarize: John McCain (1) is not a war hero, (2) is a war hero, and (3) is only technically a “war hero” because he was captured, like a loser.

Some might call these statements contradictory, confusing, petty, disrespectful, cynical, self-serving, small-minded, misleading, unnecessary, ridiculous, and absurd. Such people aren’t grasping the deeper wisdom.

The point is simple. Labels like “war hero” don’t really matter. What really matter are labels like “loser.” And if you get captured, you’re a loser.

This deep insight upends centuries – nay, millennia – of conventional wisdom, which says that enduring enemy capture is difficult, harrowing, and often ennobling. Obviously, the conventional establishment logic is misguided. After all, if you get captured, aren’t you a loser by definition?

With that in mind, for the edification of all, I present:

A List of Losers (i.e. people who have been captured or arrested by opponents)

  • Jesus Christ
  • St. Peter
  • St. Paul
  • John the Baptist
  • Samson
  • Daniel (Old Testament)
  • Joseph (Old Testament)
  • Socrates
  • Julius Caesar
  • Joan of Arc
  • William Wallace
  • Queen Elizabeth I
  • Galileo Galilei
  • Napoleon Bonaparte
  • Paul Revere
  • Thomas Paine
  • Henry David Thoreau
  • Fyodor Dostoevsky
  • Susan B. Anthony
  • Anne Frank
  • Rosa Parks
  • Alan Turing
  • Martin Luther King, Jr.
  • Winston Churchill
  • Mahatma Gandhi
  • Nelson Mandela
  • George Takei

Such a long list of losers may give pause to even such a venerable sage as Mr. Trump. If he can’t rely on any of them as role models, then who can he turn to?

That’s something the philosopher must decide on his own. But I may be able to offer some guidance, in my own small way.

A List of People Who Have Never Been Captured (to my knowledge)

  • Judas Iscariot
  • The Prophet Mohammed
  • Hillary Clinton

Mr. Trump, you’re welcome.

8 responses to “The Deep Wisdom of Donald Trump

  1. You need to take a step back and instead of focusing on Trump being a fool, look at why people are backing him. The voters are sick of all the “establishment” candidates who promise everything, yet deliver nothing. Trump funds his own campaign, has more money than God and is not beholden to any special interest. He is very successful and knows how to get things done. Of course the press focuses on his four bankruptcies tied to some of his businesses, but never mentions his numerous successes. He also mentions curtailing illegal immigration from Mexico. This is a huge issues with millions of people, especially in the South West states who have seen crime-rates sky rocket, hospitals overrun, and the never-ending drain on social services. The other candidates are afraid to address this white elephant. If they do, they again promise reform, yet deliver nothing. The voting public can be summarized best by a quote from the 1976 movie “The Network:”… “I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take this anymore!”

  2. I’ve tried imagining him as our president, but it always ends bad. he visits another country, says something stupid, continues saying stupid things, and BAM! WWIII and nuclear apocalypse.

    All joking aside, his lack of public speaking skills alone is enough for me to not want him to represent this country as president.

  3. I really love your list detailing people who have been captured or imprisoned. Clearly they’re all *losers*

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