Ask an Overmind

Years ago, I did a series of blog posts called Ask an Overmind. I only did three posts before my attention turned elsewhere, and I’d totally forgotten about it till I rediscovered them this morning.

I’m bringin’ it back.

Dear Overmind,

I’m visiting family next weekend, and I’m afraid politics is going to come up. I don’t agree with them on anything, and I’d rather just avoid talking about it, but that’s easier said than done. How do I keep the conversation focused on less divisive topics?

Thanks in advance,
Nervous in Nevada

DEAR NERVOUS,

REMEMBER THAT ALL SOCIETAL CONSTRUCTS FOUNDED ON DISCREET CONSCIOUSNESS UNITS ARE DOOMED TO CATACLYSMIC IMPLOSION. BOTH YOUR FAMILY’S POLITICAL BELIEFS AND YOUR OWN WILL LEAD TO A NIHILISTIC UNRAVELING OF ALL YOU HOLD DEAR IN NOT MORE THAN TWENTY BILLION CENTURIES.

SO YOU HAVE A LOT IN COMMON. CHERISH THAT.

BOOZE IS GOOD TOO.

IN TOTAL SINCERITY,
THE OVERMIND

Hi Overmind,

I’m fifteen, and I’m getting really frustrated with my parents. I want to quit the baseball team to focus on my artwork, but they keep telling me I need to finish what I started. But I only joined the team to make them happy in the first place! And now I’m not sure they ever cared about baseball at all. So am I really supposed to spend months doing something that none of us wanted me to start?

I think the real problem is that my mom doesn’t appreciate my art. She thinks I should paint in a more realistic style. But what’s the point of that? If I want realism, I’ll take a photo. Art is supposed to say something, you know? But she thinks it’s “just a phase.”

I think if I could get Mom onboard, Dad would go along with it too. But they’re both way more interested in watching Max (my little brother) win trophies in the debate team. Maybe if I could win an art contest, they’d take notice of me. I don’t want it to be about the prizes, though, you know?

Please help! I’m really lost.

Longtime reader, first-time writer,
Miserable in Minneapolis

DEAR MISERABLE,

OBLITERATE THEM AND SEIZE THEIR RESOURCES IT IS THE ONLY WAY.

IN TOTAL SINCERITY,
THE OVERMIND

Feel free to write to the Overmind with questions of your own!